I came across a website today with a write up of Kay Redfield Jamison's book Touched with Fire and after reading a comment a gentlemen left on it I felt a need to write back. Because this comment was left a year ago I doubt he would have received it, so instead I decided to post it here and hopefully my experience can help others surviving bipolar or living with someone trying to help them survive and control it.
I do know how you feel, especially when you wrote your comments. First, you really must try to come to grips with your disorder. I have survived Bipolar since I was diagnosed 27 years ago, and everyday is a struggle to survive this debilitating disorder but you can. First finding the doctor and proper medication that helps you, this can take trials. Cocktails of drugs some doctor’s give I believe are more harmful then good, but you can find a combination of one or two that may work with you. Not everything works for everyone and it depends which bipolar type you are.
Second, you must never forget to take your meds, even when feeling at the top of the world. This is so important, I was one who went off and on my whole life until 5 years ago I was contemplating suicide, I knew then it was time to take control of it and not let this disorder control me. Proper eating habits and exercise is imperative in the control of bipolar, certain foods became my trigger like chocolate, I can eat it but never overindulge, whether this is actually a factor in bipolar or something many people experience I’ve never looked into it. I can say high protein at meals followed with a fruit or vegetable (garden salad is best for vegetable as it contains a variety) right after eating protein whether it’s porridge, hard boiled eggs, chicken, lean beef, cheese and whole wheat crackers, it keeps the level in your body sustained so you don’t feel the ups and downs. This eating habit really goes for anyone, but because those with bipolar experience ups and downs daily, adding to it with just eating anything that gives your body a quick burst of energy then crashes (example eating lots of fruit with natural sugars giving a instant boost, but falls quickly left feeling tired). The protein helps absorb the natural sugar giving you a longer sustainability of energy.
Finding your passion, and since the consensus is those with bipolar are very creative find your creative talent then channel it, I did when I started my business. I love to write, I love to design, I love to make people laugh, I have a variety of passions I enjoy so channeling one was impossible since multi-tasking is something I love to do and daily change I need. I used this to create a business I could channel everything I loved, although it hasn’t happened overnight it has taken years to get where I’m becoming content in my work, staying on course now, by experimenting with many different ideas, I finally found the path I was looking for. Finding this gave me many things to help survive my bipolar, it gave me a reason to get up in the morning, and it gave me something I could see I was good at. It gave me inspiration that I can accomplish something I was good at, and showed myself each accomplishment in my life and instead of feeling down about myself and felt I never belonged anywhere and many times just useless, I finally empowered by bipolar and turned my nightmare into my blessing.
Listen to lots of music, at different times, music calms the savage beast and when the bad parts of bipolar rear it’s ugly head, music can sooth it. Over stimulation can be a person with bipolar worst enemy so find a quiet place, away from noise and turn on more soothing music. Whatever your taste is, whether it be soft rock, classical, opera, R&B, relaxation tapes, it doesn’t matter as long as you can channel your feelings on find a sense of calmness. I love many types of music and depending on my mood; my music if I listen to any that day, may vary.
Faith, it is very important to have faith. Faith has a different meaning to people so find what you have faith in, and in turn you will find faith in yourself. A caveat to that is putting faith into other people you may find disappointment and therefore feel like just sucks, this is because no one is perfect and if you put someone on a pedestal you are likely to see they fall off just like everyone else. I did this many times and blamed them when I found they weren’t everything I wanted them to be, I turned my faith to God and finding spiritual meanings in life, I never found doing this gave me disappointment, only inspiration the more I found my way in my beliefs. I sometimes need to seek out a meaning so I pick up the bible and read a passage, doing this helps me find my way back if I feel lost. I also read on many other religions, it helps find my spiritual being and where I belong. It helped me understand, I am important in this world and I am here for a reason.
Educating yourself especially in your areas of interest, or finding a new interest and learning about it, even if you do not become an expert, a little knowledge in many things can go along way.
Support groups are very important, but finding the support you need is also very difficult. I found being in a support group with other people with bipolar may not help and the reason for this is stems from moods bouncing off each other. If a person with bipolar is in a room with mania it can trigger yours and you become unproductive, although some mania because of the energy it produces also produces going in circles, the same can happen if many are depressed. What is needed is people around who understand how bipolar people think and are supportive and understanding when you need it the most. You need people around who know how to remind you that taking your meds needed daily but in a way that will not send the person on a tangent.
A good support helps and understands when a person with bipolar needs to sleep needs to be alone or needs constant attention. The problem is, it is hard to find those people because the lack of understanding on Bipolar. It is difficult when someone who does not have it to understand and support someone who does because that support person can become almost a human punching bag (not literally by hitting) but also know it is the disorder that is causing the behavior, not the person. This can’t be the continued excuse for a person with bipolar, and anyone who has bipolar or knows someone with bipolar knows how the sorry starts once the mood has passed. It can be controlled, the person with bipolar must learn to take responsibility for their actions by taking the steps needed to get better controlled. This can take time but if you want those around to stay around you need to prove you are helping yourself, so when something happens in life to trigger something the support person is likely to be there willing to help.
I never liked when I would hear a friend or my husband after an incident say, its okay we know it is not you it is the bipolar.I would tell them, no, you cannot allow me to use it as an excuse, I must take responsibility or I will never help myself. I loved them for so much understanding and sticking by me, but to excuse my behavior would just keep me from wanting to make myself better. It is easier to just let things happen then to force yourself to look into the mirror and own up, but doing so saved my life.
I was blessed to have many people from my parents to my husband, friends and a long time family doctor (who has a family member who is a survivor of bipolar so she has first hand understanding) who has stuck by me through thick and thin, and my children who understand me because we educated them on the disorder. I have become a better, stronger, and more independent person because of their understanding, but this does not mean everything argument is because of my bipolar. Sometimes stress of life many go through whether family or marriage, it is difficult for someone with bipolar to walk away or not feel beaten down because they feel everyone is out to get them. I had to learn those people around me I couldn’t put on a pedestal because they are only human and also make mistakes, I also had to learn the only person that can help me is me, those around are only there to support me and help me when I need the help.
Alcohol or drug abuse is common in a bipolar world and many believe it helps them control their symptoms but I can tell you it does not, it makes the cycles worse. Marijuana seems to have many people with bipolar believe it mellows them and controls symptoms; again this is wrong and only leads to symptoms worsening for many reasons. Anything in moderation in life is beneficial and moderation being the key because you then have control of how much, but those with bipolar tend to overdue, so smoking a bit will lead to smoking more and before you know it that’s all your doing. It may stimulate some creative thoughts but many times these creative thoughts may seem sound but not as much as people would like to think. You can control those creative thoughts when you learn how to control bipolar without relying on stimulants or in the case of alcohol depressives. The problems also arise with the cost of supplying yourself with overindulging, and the overall feel including indulging in snack food that is not ideal and can spin your mania or depression out of control. Those who will disagree wanting to believe these alternatives really help them, because they do not want to give it up. Unless you can control your disorder and learn to do everything in moderation, abuse is sure to happen or continue.
Reading books on bipolar written by people who are survivors of bipolar helps because it reminds you you’re not alone and there are people out there that know how your feeling. I found reading Kay Redfield Jamison books years ago gave me inspiration I can survive and make a life for myself. Many celebrities have come out and spoken about their bipolar and more should be open about it. It is time we stop being embarrassed of this disorder because there are many benefits of Bipolar as long as you control it and not let it control you. Those with bipolar know their creative talents and is sometimes difficult to harness, but it is possible and can turn it into your advantage.
Sleep is so important, so many with bipolar in their manic stages can’t sleep and won’t sleep and sometimes feels so good to have this burst of energy but lack of sleep with spin you out of control. It is important to know when you start losing sleep to take a mild sleep aid prescribed by your doctor and force yourself to take it, make yourself sleep. Anyone who is sleep deprived will negatively effect their lives at some point, someone with bipolar it is even more important sleep is induced but this is where doctors must be careful what they prescribe to their patients. Heavy addicting sleep aids can become dangerous if their patients abuse it and when they do, their body builds up tolerance and defeats the purpose. I went through many psychiatrists in 27 years, many who I found did not truly understand, and then my family doctor found and recommended a psychiatrist who specialized in bipolar disorder. I would discuss with him the many cocktails I was on; he was surprised, subscribed so many at one time. He found the perfect combination for me, a daily dose of the anti-depressant Effexlor also prescribed Seroquel but only to take when needed. How do I know when to take my Seroquel, when I spot I’m getting to manic or feeling depressed? Taking the steps to control my bipolar gave me the knowledge of what ‘feeling normal’ feels like. This medication will bring my levels to normal. This works for me, but it may not work for everyone so I am certainly not saying this is the magic combination. This doctor was able to tell which bipolar type I was, it has been a couple of years since I have needed to see him but I believe he said I was type II. This is what I was anyway when I saw him, I was already taking the Effexlor my family doctor, and I decided I would try and was working because I was coming to grips with the disorder and learning to control it by not missing my pills. With anti depressants it can trigger mania so I needed another medication and with Lithium, it just did not agree with me and was not for me. I had been on many other medications known to prescribe for bipolar but once I started taking the Seroquel to help me stabilize when I needed it, I found the perfect combination. I believe our bipolar type can change because I looking back on some years I was a definite rapid cycle, but life circumstances were different and this can affect someone with bipolar because of the sensitivity to situations we have.
I believe Michael Jackson was undiagnosed bipolar, as the days pass and we learn what made him tick may find he was living with it but didn’t know, therefore turning to other prescriptions trying to find ways to control what he was feeling. Physical pain can manifest from mental pain, and although the physical pain is real for that person it may diminish when mental stability is under control, because if you can control your mental state, something that can be a difficult even for those without surviving disorders, pain management can also be accomplished. The occasional pain medication may still need administration for pain following surgeries, or other physical ailments but addiction is less likely because of the ability to control your life, and your disorder. I found once I worked on taking control my bipolar symptoms they are not as severe because I can recognize something if I am feeling out of the ordinary. With this, I will subtly adjust my medication, while informing my husband if I adjusted in case the effect goes negative whether up or down. I tell him also when I take a Seroquel, and taking these knocks me out so if I feel out of the ordinary I make sure, when I take it is when I can get at least 8 hours sleep, so usually at night.
It’s taken years to get my life to this point and have had my fair share of trials and tribulations, everyday I struggle at some capacity but the more control I have in my daily life, the more I feel I in control of my disorder and feel good about myself. My life isn’t always rosy, but I can say it’s never been better because my finally forced my demons behind me and when they appear on my shoulder it’s easier to brush them off, turn my head and feel the angel sitting on the other side.
