DON'T FORGET TO

to take your MEDS...

and always remember

It has been written and we have been told

Abomination ---a vile, shameful, or detestable action, condition, habit, etc.

Desolation -- Devastation; ruin

The end of times, no one knows, not even Jesus himself knew the day and time only God our Father knows, he has however, given us signs of many in past and present to recognize future events. One book in the bible, Daniel is one of our greatest indicators of when we should become aware the time is near and with it the phrase “abomination that causes desolation” is mentioned many times in different contexts but the meaning itself of what is spoken of will always be the same, it is up to man (I say man since he refers to both male and female hence the word human) to decipher what the “abomination that causes desolation” actually is.

WHAT IS IT ABOUT ME

What is it about me, that makes people hate
I wish someone would tell me, so I will know my own fate

Following me around, hurting to no end
Pretending to be someone their not, sure not a friend

I stayed close to my family and kept my nose clean
Yet those who love to hurt me, God they're so mean

So let this be a lesson, again I learn today
Love is a gamble, now I don't want to play

One day I'll be gone but will anyone care
My heart is stone cold and never again
will I be able to share

THE DEVIL AND CROWN

where does life begin
and where does it end
when the taste of blood
falls from your head

blood drips from your nose
wishing you were dead
a nightmare you try
to live that you led

where is the love
when lies are what makes
a life worth living
a life you can't take

Visons that never
can be left behind
when memories stop you
and hold you blind

where do you go when all that you know
a life full of torture constant death in a row
this life of the devil
after selling your soul

No pleas are enough
frightened as a foe
who can understand
all that you know

When wishing for love
it comes at a price
until death do you part
with your soul in a vice

Always remember
when your life feels down
never sell to the devil
or your soul he will crown

A BRIEF THOUGHT ABOUT FACEBOOK

I think about today
and everything I learned
All the people that I met
In Facebook around the world

So many things to say
So little time to do
What have we accomplished
Or are we just screwed

Crying people, suicidal thoughts
Hating each other like God told Lot

Facebook is a great place
With happy people here
Turn it into a pillar of salt
and boom, it will disappear

Let's keep a happy face
and help those that don't


There's a world of difference people can make
When we stop and learn
and give each other a break. Make Music not War...

"It's OUR Business to Make a Difference"

DEAR JIM...HEY ISN'T THAT A HILARIOUS TV SERIES

I just wanted to share an email with everyone explaining to my facebook friend Jim
how I've been coping with my Bipolar, and explaining to him what gets me through the day.

This Facebook friend is amazing. He has written and published 6 Books available , also a journalist and is a music lover with a library of music you don't want to miss searching through.

The man is a gentleman and a scholar.



Thank you Jim,

I had alot of time for soul searching for years. I also spent about 6 months testing out blogging, making stories all over the place indicating..is it fact or fiction , you be the judge. It was also a internet blogging test out to see how much people listen and how much people will read certain things more over another. It was a year study of the pyscology of people with also dealing with my own soul searching in the mean time of over one type of writing over another.

My family and friends are quite used to this as they see me go in and out of my writings or seculsions and sometimes my confusions. I have worked on the confusion part of it with the strengh my many of my support system but mainly to keeping faith and not letting all the bad things in life get you down.

Reading the bible has helped me more then any pycology book or any advice a psycitriat has helped me with.

Therepy is all about coming to terms with yourself and actions to the bad things that can happen around you. I learned the hard way not to long ago that my very negetive reactions to life's' downfalls caused a more negetive reaction in my life and in the end I hurt myself the most.

I take complete responsibility for that and every reaction I have to a negetive moment in time.

Sometimes you just have to have faith and say well
" Shit happens" (from Forrest Gump) no matter how small or big.

If I feel the bad feelings I take deep breaths, and if I have to an ativan to sleep it off. I say a prayer before hand and wake up feeling fresh and new with much strengh.

If I can't be somewhere to sleep iit off I will pick up the bible and start reading chapters and versus and that is the one person besides myself that i can truly count on.

Thanks for listening

stay safe stay warm

chow (pretty cold out but I love it, so have some hot soup)

ANOTHER DAY...ANOTHER LIFE LESSONED LEARNED...THANK GOD

I love getting involved in the Discussion boards in the Barrie Facebook Network...
this particular one really hit home from one written by a wise girl named Deborah she called "Act in Haste...Repent in Leisure"...


my response

I realized spreading the love over spreading the hate a much happier road. You can wake up in the morning cheerul, hoping you can make a better difference in someone's day.

If I think I may have accidently hurt someone's feelings I immedialtely try to reconcile it and if I can't right away, it tears me apart.I always had two sides of me and that's because I'm Bipolar.

At one time I didn't know how to control my anger for the littlest things and there were many factors that caused that from diet, hormonal, Bipolar, stress of family, marriage, the normal things in life and stage of life. I've learned the hard way that even if someone slaps you in the face you should always try to turn the other cheek.

Sometimes it's hard if you are defending something you're extremely passionate about and will sometimes go to extremes to protect it.But then you learn no matter how much pain that person inflicted on you, anger and revenge only turn you into an evil person yourself and bad karma comes right back on you, no matter how much at the time you think your actions or words were right.I could say I live in shame for my actions..but I don't.

I have learned that life is to short to care about the things in life you can't control, and when you allow your spirit to be broken..you've allowed the evil to provail.We all make huge mistakes in our life... but isn't it better to forgive if a person has learned from their mistakes and try to chage by it. It is what makes us grow as we find our individual meaning in life.

When we make happiness in someone's day the energy flows from one to another until that energy meets upon negative energy..and the result can be painful.It's good to know you realized how much words can hurt..words are so powerful yet can also mean nothing.Actions speak louder then words..but words are powerful enough to make Action..which makes the words have more feeling.

My mother always taught me reflection on your day creates wisdom. Treat others the way you want to be treated.I followed those peices of wisdom even when I worked in the hospitality business.

I was the kind of server that I would try my hardest to make it the most pleasant experience I could because I know how I always wanted to be treated when sitting down for lunch or dinner or just out for the night.

People can be very forgiving when you admit wrong doing as long as it's sincere.

So yes behind every facebook user or forum there is someone's soul behind it and we use it in different ways...many people are crying for help out there but just like in our "real" society...we just make fun or ignore them..then blame them whenever we can.

CRASHES ARE A PART OF LIFE.

Crashes happen all the time in life…

Car..
Plane…
Train…
Marriage…
Family
Career

Causes of Mania…

fast, flying, streaming, passion, , understood, passion


Causes of Depression

wrong turn, computer error, faulty part, lack of control, bad example, lack of control

Never let go of your powerful moments, hang on to them for those times when life will sometimes feel it's come to a fiery crash,

you'll always have something to use when your day comes to fight back.

UNDERSTANDING ...IS HALF THE BATTLE

After 17 years if a man pays attention he knows what really makes a woman happy.

Ron knows I like it simple, but lively,

Thoughtful but not extravagant.

Every morning, for more years that I can count, he makes me my coffee just the way I like it... with love, and wakes me up..it starts my day off right.

He knows when to make me eat...
because when Mandy's on a Mission... she runs until she is choking on fumes.

He knows when to make me sleep...because when time is short he knows I try to race against it.

He knows when to anger... because when lack of both makes me confused.

He knows when to ask if I took my pill, because the sensitive times can trigger the prior three.

He knows when I need a hug...because sometimes my shell is so hard to break ..
when he can.. he tries.

He knows what relaxes me...so for his Valentines Gift he brought my coffee,
put on cologne
and made me a list of all the different songs...
of all the different genres...
of all the different times ...
for me to kick back and listen today

Understanding is half the battle.
tribute to my husband of 17 years

ASK AND YOU WILL RECEIVE

A psychiatrist's job or what I always would believe, (another story,) is to have you ask your own questions then dig for the reasons behind it.

Dig deep into your past and follow the road taken, where did it take you?

Could you have done something to change that to meet your goals?

We all need to ask these questions but it's not easy to answer unless you really take a critical look at yourself, an honest critical look and sometimes, that it very depressing, you ask why?

Why is my life like this, a bad chain of events?

The answer you have to find is did you do something to create it, karma is a very powerful force.

With decisions in everyday life when you get a feeling of a choice of two, one seeming the wrong way but much more exciting or to stop, look behind, look now then look ahead, where will one decision get you opposed to the other?

God tells us to ask and we will receive, but you have to remember and be careful what it is your asking as what you may receive may be a hard lesson taught.

The hardest question to answer is which is the right way. Sometimes what seems wrong can be the right path changing your destiny to what your destiny is to be.

The true challenge in life,


finding the right path in the least painful way possible.

LESSONS BLESSINGS NUMBER 6--FIND THE LISTENERS WHO CARE

With the kids in school, and Ron at work , they became my best friends, talking to them as they would seem to listen and understand. It's amazing how they have a sense of how your feeling, this what makes a great psychiatrist and best friends.

Alone in the house I had friends all around me, my neighbourhood were my friends but as we all got older and our kids started growing up everyone became busy with their life, mine included , but within what looked like to many as a lonely person, I was still blessed with many friends.

My loving family members of pets including my dogs, cats, guinea pigs and for a short time my Rabbit Jack with the radio always tuned into Rock 95 giving me the other friendship I needed, I'd bring my pet friends and radio friends while having a coffee with me, working in my garden or house, laying back soaking up the rays or after a long day then soaking up the bubbles (no animals allowed in bubbles..okay except Rock 95) in the bathtub.

My animals as my shrinks talking to them as they listened and the Rock 95 crew's choice of music, humor, charities, personalities and a true love for music old and new, I never felt lonely.

With Rock 95 such great supporters of my hometown of Barrie and have the love of Canada as I do, they continually helped me through some of the toughest times in my life, helping me remember my past, present and to look into my future.

Pets don't talk but listen helping in so many ways as does the Rock 95 crew that talk as we listen, being there and reliable everyday, just listening live and instant friends to give me that pick me up I need.

I always wanted to phone in on contests or just a request, but I am shy and felt I had nothing exciting to say, (I think I'd probably give the money I won to one of the many charities Rock 95 supports) so I just enjoy listening to everyones excitement talking with the crew when they fianlly get through , loving the feeling of talking with them.

The fans tell them how difficult it is to get them on the phone, which just shows how their listeners will sit with them all day long and listen...

just like I do.

This post is dedicated to the listeners and speakers in my life, for the times you've been there to keep me company... when company was all I needed.

MY DEAR BRITNEY SPEARS

Britney Britney help yourself, get those friends away from you and let your family, the ones who really are looking out for your well being help you. I may not be famous and not many know me but I know what you feel, your beginning and end the fear of change, use your past and present to look into your future and that's where the healing begins.

I could never imagine my Dear Britney Spears

Living in a world's broken promises and fear

Such a young girl so innocent and new

The glory of fame to name a few

Took away what you remember well

A life with peace to live and tell

Now those days are over

Your nightmares begins

Use your voice God gave you

And start to forgive your own sin

Open your eyes and go back in time

Make your nightmare your blessing

Like I did mine.

APRIL OR MAY...WOULD IT HAVE MADE A DIFFERENCE OR IS THAT MY BIPOLAR SPEAKING?

Like most it is difficult for me to remember my childhood, but thankfully the influential people in my life always had words of wisdom to share with me whether young or old, family, friends, sometimes even strangers who, with much in common, don't feel like strangers anymore.

My birth came a month late, as I should have been April born and named if I had been. My mother argued with the doctor to induce her but he was convinced it was to early, so in May my mother gave birth at 12:00pm as I was blessed to be born into this world. She was right as mother's usually are, I was 41 weeks gestation. The doctor knew from the growth of body hair and noticeable things like that when newborns are older then thought.

My mother raves of my baby beauty but I saw my pictures, I looked like a Cabbage Patch doll and personally I never understood why those wrinkled up little toys were so popular, they weren't the cutest doll, but a doll they were, I guess just that something about them so many people liked.

I remember I was quiet and shy, my mother recently telling Ron "She was the model child, she never spoke unless spoken to and never caused a problem", with my dad close behind in a joking voice but in a truthful statement "Until she became a 15 year old teenager".

I think all those years explaining to friends, "She is just shy", my parents thought they had it made with me. I wouldn't be a troublesome teenager, a handful just a shy and quiet kid, but what no one knew, I was only listening and absorbing my surroundings. I would listen and learn so I could find a way to relate to people since in many ways I take on many personalities.

Once the teenage years hit my sudden shyness disappeared (except around those I still wanted to believe I was shy and quiet) and a stubborn wild child developed and came out, and when I came out…everybody knew and that quiet shy little girl was now just a memory and the rebirth of a new beginning began.

I tend to do everything late in life and usually backwards, but like George on Seinfeld if the opposite works then isn't that the right way?

I often wonder could evolving into a bull in May rather then a ram in April, a reason I started everything late in life and if so was it meant to be or just one doctor's mistake that started this path called

my life.

LATE NIGHT COMFORTS BLESSINGS LESSON 5

I can relate still as a child feels, misunderstood and ignored. I don't know if it comes from being 24 and pregnant. I have spent the majority of my time since then with the kids. I did have a time with many friends, but we all had kids and those kids were friends as we all were.

Along with those great friendships formed so did the friendship and understanding of many children I had the pleasure of watching grow up, some to adulthood , and now thanks to our technology I can continue to watch them grow from a distance just as if they were my own children and I couldn't love them more as if they were my own kids.

Ten years flew by fast and within those years my lessons learned were many. It was within these 10 years I came to full acceptance of my illness and how I was tired of fighting it, it was now my time to conquer it.

I was asked by many psychiatrists over the years to keep a journal of my moods, to chart them down on a scale. I would start this task but could never finish it, there was no way I could keep up with all my thought processes within a day, so I started journaling on paper. Problem with that, it was hard to decipher what I was saying between my writing turning to scribbling and my random thoughts of more subjects I can keep up with.

I finally found two things in my life that go hand in hand and found to be another blessing in my life.

Music and blogging. These two feelings have helped me and without them I'd be lost. My love for both listening and thinking, as I can type as fast as my thoughts come, my words now legible with the ability in going back to edit what I was actually trying to say, deciphering the rambling it seems to be at the beginning.

Music has a class of it's own with the memories and comforts it brings, reflecting back and songs can relate to your life in one way or another, this telling us we are all the same when it comes to finding our destiny.

On those gray days I sometimes felt and still feel, music keeps up my spirits and when you have a favourite DJ, sometimes they make life not seem so lonely and can give you that smile or comfort you really need at that moment in time, like they know what their listeners are feeling.

I guess that's what makes a great late night DJ , a friendly comforting and soothing voice to the listeners they know benefit the most from being there.

Taking away the loneliness

when alone is all you feel.

Dedicated to my fav. DJ
Thank you Darryl... you make listening worth it.

NUMBER 4..KEEPING SANE IN AN INSANE WORLD

What a roller coaster ride it’s been this week. Anyone who lives with or has Bipolar (highly recommended reading) knows what that statement means. It wasn’t a bad ride but an exhausting one of late nights, little sleep and my brain computing faster then my mouth can go. This is one great thing about blogging as I can type as fast as my brain thinks and ramble as I’m doing this.

The only one listening is my keyboard and the family hearing the sounds of the keys clicking a mile a minute, knowing not to be disturbed if it can be helped, as when I’m on a roll and once I’ve typed what I would usually say in one long sentence and breath, has now been said, and can be edited into paragraphs with that feeling of raciness calming down.

I went to my doctor of 22 years today for my check up, as I must check in with her about my medication, just so she knows it is still working for me, taking it properly, not missing any doses and that I continue to remember to eat a proper diet.

As I went into the office the nurse started with the usual check of height, weight and then blood pressure. She was very surprised how high my blood pressure was 150/72 and asked “Is this normal for you?” “No”, I said, “but believe me, I’m not surprised”.

When my doctor came in and we sat and talked my words couldn’t come out fast enough as my brain was in overdrive. She being very used to this asked me at the end of the usual checklist, “What has your diet been like lately?”

“Coffee, lots and lots of coffee,” even though I know this is not the answer she wanted to hear, this being one of the reasons for my high blood pressure reading.

If there is one thing my doctor knows about me, after treating me for so many years, I do know the rights and wrongs of treating my own Bipolar. She knows after years and years prior to taking on the difficult task of myself accepting it and learning to change my own lifestyle to deal with it, my dietary intake is a major concern of how Bipolar is treated, and too much caffeine is a wrong and with me knowing that it was a tisk tisk.

It’s not that I can’t have any caffeine but living off it or junk food just interferes with the chemicals in the brain trying to work properly and it is more then just B complex that needs to be consumed, but B complex is a helpful natural mood stabilizer.

For those of you who live with your Bipolar and have it under control must already know one (of many) very important factors to keep the moods in check is B complex vitamins, which can be found in foods like Bananas, whole grain cereals, berries and the list goes on.


This is why support of family, friends and doctors are so important, when we forget to eat or eat the right foods it’s the family members who are to stop us and remind us that eating and sleeping are one of the key factors to keep us stabilized and when I don’t eat properly as sometimes I just get to busy, this is when Ron will cook me a healthy meal, (thank goodness he loves to cook) even if I’m not in the mood to eat, but he will ask for me to at least eat a little of each serving knowing once I do, I will probably eat everything on my plate and he also knows my very high strung mood will settle before it spins out of control.

B complex vitamins foods act as a mood stabilizer, so they are not just meant for those of us with Bipolar or mood disorders, but everyone.

So this being said, I made sure today I ate properly after leaving the doctors, cut down on the caffeine intake, including any chocolate, as this my kids will not let me eat and if they see me try to sneak any, will grab it out of my hand.

We decided a year ago to experiment with and found anytime I ate chocolate my moods would alter hours or sometimes not until the next day and grumpiness would arise. Trust me, I love chocolate like everyone else, and my family will allow me it once in a while, but as I preach to my children the need of proper nutrition, so do they back to me.

Once in a while we will take the kids for fast food, but very seldom now, as we noticed a trend in their behaviour when fast food became a norm in our life and when we cut it out as a major source of meals, we noticed a complete change in everything about them and ourselves, including more energy and better sleep.

This is why it is so important for our children and our selves to stop with the fast foods as a quick fix for meals, and get back to the good old fashion days on the farm, or at least cooking like it, when the only fast food they knew came from the window of a chicken coop.

OH CANADA, MY SPIRITUAL JOURNEY: TO RICKY RODRIGUEZ

OH CANADA, MY SPIRITUAL JOURNEY: TO RICKY RODRIGUEZ

NEVER GIVE UP FAITH, IT'S THE ONLY THING WE CAN COUNT ON

AMAZING GRACE lyrics

Another day and more questions of what "possesses" people to snap. These difficult questions will never be answered until more understanding of what causes these inflictions and why more and more population is now being diagnosed.

Is it because it is spoken of more, is it from our society and our stressful way of living, or does it have something to do with the mixture of certain foods we are consuming or not consuming including alcohol, a huge wrong in helping yourself, DO NOT DRINK, I know this from consuming large amounts of alcohol in my younger years.

I have many of my own theories, through my own experiences which is the reason behind me writing this blog, since I have turned my nightmare into my blessing.

I would like to touch on the recent events with Leeland Eisenberg and Robert Hawkins one more time before posting the continuation of my experiences.

Watching the interview with Leeland Eisenberg on CNN last night I understood his frustration and understood how his demenor now has logic as of that time he was interviewed, I do not, however, condone his behaviour of instilling fear into others as a way of making a point.

Those of us with this very confusing illness must understand that much of our behaviour is not just society and lack of medical care, although a large part of it, but we MUST if we want to be heard find the constuctive outlets to use to help others understand what we suffer with, in our thinking, our emotional feelings and how we need those around, including the medical community to pay attention the desperate need of help we cry out for especially in the time of illogical thinking when it does occur.

I can tell you from being Bipolar myself and spent so many years in the ups and downs of my life that in these past years my episodes have become less common and less severe but many factors are involved with that, and one major factor is taking responsiblity for ourselves and educating ourselves first and foremost of the triggers, very common everyday triggers that sends us into irrational thinking.

This is a long process of not only the educating of yourself but with the education of others around but it must start with accepting who you are and that life, no matter how you feel, is not hopeless. Take it from me, someone who knows and will not steer you wrong.

I want nothing more then to help those who live with this illness, or family and friends of those they love who suspect and live with it.

Please don't give up on yourselves, and don't give up on those inflicted we are good people, just people who not unlike anyone else with a disability just need understanding, prayer and hope eventually society as a whole will raise the awareness needed and learn how to take care of ourselves and each other.

With the Grace of God, as he is listening and there to help, this illness will hopefully one day be understood to the fullest and just maybe the hopelessness we feel will be the thing of the past.

Those who need someone to talk to, who are considering ending their life or especially the lives of others, please stop and contact me if there is no one else you can turn to.

I will do my best to help you through your dilemma, and find you the help you need, just remember these thoughts and feelings will go away if you seek the help you need and sometimes that is just a caring ear with full understanding of what you are feeling.

My husband Ron can also help and give advice to those who need help as he has been one of my best supports along with my family and friends and my children as we are very open and they have explained to their friends to understand me in my times of trouble.

You'd be amazed how children can be your biggest support, because they know what it feels like to be misunderstood and also know sometimes it just takes a hug to make a person realize someone does care.

God Bless and my prayers to those victims and families who now suffer from their loss from yesterday's events.


contact me @ bipolarblessing@gmail.com

KEEPING THE INSANE OUT OR KEEP THE SANITY IN

I'm watching Rick Sanchez and listening to one of his panels who claims to be an expert in violent behaviour. Maybe this person is but he claims it's the depressed and not the manic that causes this.

I beg to differ, first it is very well known that manic depression has rapid cycling, both happening at the same time and my experience with depression, you do not have the energy to pick up a rifle and start on a shooting spree, this is what is known as rapid cycling and it is the manic part of this that causes the violence as your brain chemicals are in a actual fight with each other.

Having a long history of anti depressant use is not the culprit here, it may have contributed to his brain chemicals not responding properly and sending him into a rapid cycle and this is my point over and over, proper medical treatment is so important because I know many people who suffer from just the depression and anti depressants help them, but depending on the mental illness other medications need to be included, as I take and educating the public starting in the schools through diligent awareness programs, open discussions and not making those who live with this problem to made feel like an outcast.

Trust me, even living in this wonderful country I live in, being an outcast and believe it or not, right in our own medical community is a problem, something I am working on changing by implementing awareness through my business as soon as it is up off the ground with many different campaigns I already have ideas in place ready to be launched.

Family and friends need to take more action but what can they do when they live in a society where their hands are tied to take action for those loved ones for proper treatment and a government who turns their backs on those crying for help.

Oh yes, their solution spend more money in security now to keep the insane out

Here's an idea, spend money to keep the sanity in..... just a thought.

WAKE UP AND SMELL THE CRISIS

What another depressing day and not in my world but those in Omaha with another citizen, obviously another mentally ill person has now taken lifes in a meaningless act of violence that may have been avoided if Americans had a proper outreach program, and good medical care accessible to them.

At this time, no one knows why this person went on a killing spree but I'll bet he left some clues to his actions and it will probably have something to do with lack of medical help.

Now there will be more people in need of medical help, those suffering from post-tramatic stress syndrome and those families of the victims who will never enjoy another holiday season.

When will the American government wake up and smell the crisis going on all around them and implement a national health care system that will help everyone, despite their social economic standing.

Until the government stops with their broken promises and political scandals more and more citizens will take to these extreme measures to prove their points.

How many more people will suffer, how many more will die, how many more will it take to wake them up and look around at what their policies are doing?

Maybe Lou Dobbs will get these answers tommorow night, I saw his anger and disgrace tonight regarding this and other issues his government ignores so carelessly.

I have to ask myself, is the United States really a free country?

I guess it's only free to those who can afford it.

I Love Everything About Her

a poem about a girl

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